Most, if not all, of us grow up believing that certain conditions must be met in order for us to feel safe, valued, worthy, and loved. That we need to do things a certain way, need to be a certain way, in order to receive—support, praise, acceptance, and create financial security. We become Conditional Receivers.

I worked so hard to meet others’ expectations that I became so condition that my default choice was one of self-abandonment rather than joy. I didn’t understand that I was allowed to express myself authentically.

Trying to meet these (false) conditions means you’re often pretending to be someone you’re not, denying your true needs and desires, taking on more than you can handle, and not asking for support. It’s exhausting, both physically and emotionally. At a certain point you will explode, implode or burn out.


Which Conditional Receiver(s) Are You?

Read the descriptions of each of the Conditional Receivers types below, and without judgment, see which resonates with you. Typically individuals identify with more than one.

If all five feel familiar, know that you’re in good company, myself included.

THE PERFECTIONIST

Perfectionists believes a condition of flawlessness must be met in order to feel loved, valued, safe and worthy of receiving. This type is forever, tweaking and fine tuning.

THE OVERGIVER

Overgivers believe that in order for their needs to be met they must give first, give more, or give back. All this giving, they believe, will result in feeling  loved, valued, safe and worthy of receiving. This type sends a thank you card for a thank you card.

THE PROVER/EARNER

Provers/Earners believe that they must earn and work hard for their worthiness and love. This type is the first one at work and the last one to leave. They pride themselves in being able to take on a lot and overcome obstacles.

THE NO-NEEDER

No-Needers believe that being valued, love and secure comes from their strength. Appearing strong and needing nothing is the way this type believes that they will receive. Requiring support and help is a sign of weakness for this individual and they only request support when no other option is available to them.  

THE SACRIFICER

Sacrificers believe that they are too much or what they want is too much. They believe that only through total compromise or sacrifice will they be able to feel valued, loved, safe and worthy of receiving.  This type is known to go along with what everyone else prefers.



The Path to Unconditional Receiving

An Unconditional Receiver is one who knows that he or she is inherently worthy, valuable, and enough.

To be an Unconditional Receiver, you must first uncover the way(s) you are being a Conditional Receiver. Once that is revealed, you can employ one of the disrupting patterns exercises. With repetition, this process will allow you to break free of patterns that have been governing your life for years.

When you practice awareness and the exercises, you will begin to shift your beliefs and body memory, and this will transform your experiences.  You will move from a feeling that you must provide value in order to receive to knowing that you being who you are is valuable.

Next Steps

Essentials of Unconditional Receiving 4-week Group Practicuum (Next Group Starting 3/6/19)

Essentials Personal Tool Kit (One 60-min Personal session)


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Almost every Friday, .I share personal stories and insights on how we can live more joyful and fulfilling lives.


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Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash